Thursday, January 29, 2009

Bring Me My Arrows of Desire and My Lesbian Porn

I could never see myself in a long-distance relationship until I found myself in one. Like most events in life and love, it happened by accident. Sweet and I live just far enough away to make it inconvenient to see each other as regularly as we’d like, and just close enough that it isn’t worth either of us moving. It doesn’t help that I’m a subway-dependent city-dweller who can’t leave the metropolitan area due to an extreme case of car-less-ness.

We’ve got a strong, if young, relationship, so the distance between us isn’t problematic in a big way. We do see each other as much as we can, but when life gets busy that means going weeks without getting together. Talking on the phone and chatting online helps, but neither makes up for the fact that she isn’t in bed beside me. A telephonic hug just isn’t as good as the real thing.

Is it sad when you get to a point in life where you’re searching for “girls kissing” on YouTube because the girl you should be kissing is so far away? That’s where I’m at these days. When Sweet and I haven’t been together for a while, my vibrators all get lined up beside my computer, and only get shifted when they need a bath. The framed photo of Sweet on my desk helps too. Every orgasm has her name on it, or some variation thereof. My neighbours must think I’ve got someone named “Babygirl” living with me.

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But if there’s one thing Sweet has taught me, it’s that relationships are about more than just sex. Seriously. I had no idea that was the case before we met. Yes, seriously. I’m not even being sarcastic.

For me, a relationship has always been just a vehicle for sex, a kind of insurance that sex will be available when needed: you pay your premiums on a regular basis, and when you need sex you cash in.

Sweet has shown me there is so much more you can get out of a relationship:

Support, approval, laughter, caring, someone to rant to when you’re angry, someone to bounce ideas off of when you’re frustrated, someone to tease when you’re giddy, a true partner, and, yes, a lover too.

It isn’t easy to be so often away from the woman I love, but things could be far worse. It’s not like I have to fly to Antarctica or make my way to Hades to see her; she only lives on the outskirts of metropia.

At great risk to my career as an eroticist, I must admit a dirty secret: I’ve reached a point where I can stand to wait a few extra days for sex (with a little help from the vibrator lineup) when it means holding on to as loving and supportive a partner as Sweet.

Does that sound cheesy?


Monday, January 26, 2009

Quick Six Interview with Vicki Paradise

Quick Six
Interview with Vicki Paradise

1. Hi Vicki! Would you be so kind as to tell us what type of stories you write?

VP: I like Kinky menage stories. I can picture it and like the idea that three people could be happy together.

2. What are you reading right now?

VP: I am reading Catherine Coulter. She is one of my favorites. Night Storm

3. I hear music in the background…what' s playing?

VP: Country

4. Do you have a favourite naughty word?

VP: Chocolate

5. Is there a word or phrase that absolutely makes you cringe?

VP: Said the chubby woman as she slid into her sized 6 jeans.

6. Be honest: What are you snacking on?

VP: Diet Coke with Lime

Promo time! Flog your wares. Any exciting new releases? How can readers find out more about you and your work?

VP: You can get One Isn't Enough a sci/fi, fantasy, menage now and shortly the sequel will be available.

Thanks for your time,

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Lesbians in the Doghouse

While I’ve titled this post “Lesbians in the Doghouse,” I’m already reconsidering the plural. I think it’s pretty much standard with doghouses that they can only accommodate one partner at a time, whether it be a gay, straight or lesbians doghouse we’re considering. Perhaps there’s room for two or more in polyamorous doghouses, but I’m not terribly familiar with those. Not yet, at least.

The partner currently inhabiting our lesbian doghouse? Why, that would be me, of course. Giselle is in the doghouse once again.

What did I do?

No, that wasn’t a rhetorical question; I’d really like to know. What did I do this time? I’ve always done SOMETHING, but I’m never quite sure what that something was. Not unless I’m told what I’ve done, but I’m almost NEVER kept informed on that front.

Suddenly all the 80’s sitcoms are starting to make sense. (Isn’t it sad when that happens? Christ, I never thought I’d grow up to be Alan Thicke!) It would seem I am now in a grown-up relationship, and I’m the dumb guy. I can fix the plumbing no problem, but I can only make sloppy attempts at repairing hurt feelings. Although, more often than not, my attempts at reparation just make things worse.

But I’m learning…slowly...

Here are the top three phrases I now know will land me in the doghouse:

1. Romance is trivial.

2. Have you ever considered wearing maternity clothes?

3. I disagree.

Number three, as I saw this afternoon, will
bring an instantaneous halt to any conversation and should thus be avoided unless closing the conversation is your intent. I’m slowly realizing that my partner and my argumentative nature don’t get along.

I’m also beginning to identify more and more with my uncles and married male co-workers. I never used to understand why so many men seemed prepared to abandon any hope of holding onto even the tiniest shard of power in their relationships. I get it now. It’s called peace-keeping.

After storming out on me following our “di
sagreement” (the word is in quotes because the disagreement consisted of Sweet holding an opinion and me stating those two damning words, “I disagree), Sweet called me up to set things right. We had to laugh at our situation:

She’s a transwoman who spent most of her life identifying as male. In relationships, she’s always been the one in the doghouse whereas I’ve always been the girl clucking, “How can you not know what you did?” It’s a complete role reversal for both of us, and you know what? It fits.

It will always be Giselle in the doghouse. I’m the more masculine-identified in our partnership; the doghouse comes with the territory, and putting me there is Sweet’s prerogative. I may bitch and moan sometimes, but I’d rather sleep in Sweet’s doghouse than curled at any other girl’s feet.

Bright Blessings,
Giselle Renarde

Monday, January 19, 2009

Quick Six Interview with Molly Wens

Quick Six
Interview with Molly Wens

1. Hi Molly! Would you be so kind as to tell us what type of stories you write?

MW: I write in several genres, including Romance, Action/Adventure and Murder/Mystery, to name a few.

2. What are you reading right now?

MW: Just finished The Silver Wolf by Alice Borchardt, an interesting story about a shapeshifter, caught up in a dangerous time.

3. I hear music in the background…what's playing?

MW: Nora Jones, Come Away with Me. It's always jazz when I'm writing.

4. Do you have a favourite naughty word?

MW: Scintillate – It just sounds so wicked.

5. Is there a word or phrase that absolutely makes you cringe?

MW: "Ain't got no…" Ugh.

6. Be honest: What are you snacking on?

MW: Chocolate. Is there anything else?

Promo time! Flog your wares. Any exciting new releases? How can readers find out more about you and your work?

MW: Shelter from the Storm was just recently released, both in print and ebook. You can find out more at Be sure to visit my site for the latest!

Chocolate is a favourite with many authors, it would seem. After Christmas, when the stores were clearing everything out, I picked up a gorgeous box of give my girlfriend...they were not for me...
Well, I got home went on a crazed chocolate rampage. Before I knew what I was doing, half the box was gone. But half a box of chocolates is as pleasant a gift as a whole one...right...?
Thanks for the interview, Molly!

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Shopping vs. Sex?

I’m always hearing these ridiculous news items claiming that women prefer just about everything out there (chocolate, the internet, etc.) over sex. I don’t believe them for a second, but these stories just keep rearing their ugly heads.

Most recently, the radio news reported that more than half of all women would rather shop than have sex. Really? Who are these women and what kind of dolts are they sleeping with?

Perhaps it’s the stereotypical red-blooded dyke in me, but I admit that I absolutely hate shopping…except for groceries. What can I say? I love to eat! But for clothes and shoes and handbags and all that overpriced shit? Please! I’d rather be chained to the headboard for five days straight with my Sweet tracing her nails across my back than spend one hour at the mall.

I’m sure not everybody’s so extreme in their likes and dislikes, but really? Shopping over sex? Have we learned our lesson of not coveting thy neighbour’s wife so well that we’ve moved on to coveting thy neighbour’s cell phone and flat-screen TV?

Most people have far more stuff than their homes can handle (hence, the self-storage industry) and far more belongings that they can reasonably afford (hence, massive credit card debt). Do we really—really?—need to spend every moment of our valuable getting’-it-on time mall-hopping?

Save your money; have sex instead!

Happy Humping,
Giselle Renarde

Adam & Eve's Ava Rose

Monday, January 12, 2009

Quick Six Interview with Carl Hose

Quick Six
Interview with Carl Hose

1. Hi Carl! Would you be so kind as to tell us what type of stories you write?

CH: I write primarily erotic horror and erotica. I've written in many genres, but those two seem to be my staples. I love combining the sex and horror . . . the juxtaposition of the two seems to create something special.

2. What are you reading right now?

CH: I read so many things. I'm always reading Stephen King. I'm also reading an anthology called Frenzy that contains one of my stories. Sixty very short tales of sudden sex available from Cleis Press.

3. I hear music in the background…what' s playing?

CH: Always Thin Lizzy, Kiss, Whitesnake, maybe the Goo Goo Dolls or Matchbox Twenty.

4. Do you have a favourite naughty word?

CH: Has to be fuck. It can be used in so many ways to mean so many things.

5. Is there a word or phrase that absolutely makes you cringe?

CH: Peachy Keen.

6. Be honest: What are you snacking on?

CH: Captain Crunch with Crunchberries.

Promo time! Flog your wares. Any exciting new releases? How can readers find out more about you and your work?

CH: Frenzy . . . an anthology put out by Cleiss Press. Also, go to my web site, Writer's Inwell, and you can keep up on anything new. Also have an anthology coming out at Excessica called Pornocopia. It's a huge book and it's dirty.

About Carl Hose

Carl's work has appeared in the zombie anthology Cold Storage, which he co-edited. His work has also appeared in Champagne Shivers 2007, DeathGrip: It Came from the Cinema, DeathGrip: Exit Laughing, the horror-romance anthology Loving the Undead, the erotic paranormal ghost anthology Beyond Desire, and several issues of Lighthouse Digest.

His adult credits include fiction in Bi-Times, Swinging Times, Ruthie's Club, Oysters and Chocolate, Good Vibrations, Three Pillows, and the erotic anthology Frenzy.

Carl's nonfiction has appeared in The Blue Review.

Carl lives in the Georgia.

You can visit his web site, Writer's Inkwell, at

Thanks for the peachy keen interview, Carl!
Tee hee...sorry, I'm being a bastard. Hey, I write for Ruthie's and O&C...and I've been featured at Three Pillows too. How have we not run into each other yet? *shrug*
Thanks again!
Giselle Renarde

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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Paging Dr Jung

If you are fluent in the language of Jungian psychology, you will recognize the term “animus complex.” It’s a fascinating enough theory that I will take a moment to explain it here. You’ve undoubtedly heard Carl G. Jung’s conception of the animus as that internal “masculine” quality we women project onto men. Projections of the animus allow us to see potential partners as being what we desire. It is a personal complex, but also an archetype.

What I didn’t realize until only very recently is that there are four stages to the animus complex: the athlete, the planner, the professor and the guide. The athlete is the muscleman, the very picture of physical prowess. The planner is all about independence and initiative, whereas the professor personifies “the word,” knowledge, comprehension and academia. Finally, there is the guide, brimming with spirituality, who acts as the mediator between a woman’s conscious mind and unconscious realm. Understanding our own personal stage of animus development can help us understand patterns that develop in our relationships.

Me, I am forever stuck with the professor. For many years, I dated a very literary chap. Ever read any stories from my “Audrey & Lawrence” series? Yeah, that’s him. I was young, with academic leanings, and his vast knowledge of literature and language dazzled me. Problem is, the professor has a flip side: it’s got to be THE most anti-romantic of all the animus complex stages.

Now, I took a number of courses in LGBTQ topics and also studied a great deal of Jung at University, yet I have very little academic awareness of the
intersection of these two areas of study. It was perhaps for this reason I was so surprised when I realized that, in a queer relationship, I’ve BECOME the professor.

My girlfriend Sweet says I analyse everything to death. This is true. And since she can’t stand listening to my hyper-self-analysis, I’m torturing you with it.

Sweet and I were chatting the other day when she asked me if I ever imagined I’d fall in love with a girl like her. What do you think I said? Did I say, “Absolutely! You’re the girl of my dreams”? Umm…no. Did I say, “I could never have conceived of a love like this, but I’m so glad we found each other”? Wish I had.

So, what did I say?

Like any good Jungian professor-type, I launched into a lecture on the nature of being in love. I expressed my belief that we never actually fall in love with real people, we only fall in love with anima/animus projections we cast upon others. Since those projections represent our own deep-seated desires, really, we’re just falling in love with ourselves. Thus, being in love and unaware of the psychological ramifications is a pretty empty process.

In a huff, Sweet replied, “All I wanted was for you to say you’re in love with me!”

And that’s when I realized what a bastard I’ve become…

Yes, we professors are real bastards. Thing is, we don’t even realize it. Despite our academic knowledge and brilliant new ideas, we’re really quite dense. We never pick up on subtle romantic hints. My Lawrence did to me exactly what I’m now doing to Sweet. He always said the wrong thing. I appropriated much of my understanding of how a man acts in romantic relation to a woman from him. Now that I’ve taken on the masculine role in a lesbian relationship, I’m exercising all his bad habits.

What now, Dr Jung? I’m not trying to be a bastard, it just happens. Sweet fishes for compliments and I don’t realize it until after I’ve made some horrendously dense analytical statement. Anyone know of any literature applying Jungian analysis to gay and lesbian relationships? I could use some reading material.

Spanx kittens,

Monday, January 5, 2009

Preditors &'s voting time!

Okay, lovelies, it's time to vote for me...again...gosh, sometimes I feel like all I ever do is beg for votes. But, hey, often it works. Thanks to your nominations and votes, a couple of my book trailers won the Romance Room competition.

Anyway, on to Preditors and Editors. Voting continues until January 14th, 2009, so get out there and exercise your democratic prowess, hopefully in my favour.

Vote for Giselle Renarde on the Authors Page
Vote for Giselle Renarde on the Poets Page
Vote for Tangled Roots by Giselle Renarde under Romance Short Stories
Vote for Beneath the Ice by Giselle Renarde under Science Fiction & Fantasy Short Stories
Vote for The Birthday Gift by Giselle Renarde under All Other Short Stories
Vote for Repeat Broadcast by Giselle Renarde on the Poems Page
Vote for Extra Credit with the Cunning Linguist by Giselle Renarde on the Non-Fiction Articles Page

And, hey, if you find me anywhere else, vote for me there too! Every vote counts!


Thursday, January 1, 2009


I don't make New Year's resolutions...should I?

I could resolve to eat three meals a day, none of them take-out.

I could resolve not to start so many silly arguments with my girlfriend.

I could resolve to spend less money on sex toys, or to spend more money on sex toys.

I could resolve to promote my work more shamelessly, or to eat seven servings of fruit and vegetables every day, or not to have sex with married people.

I could resolve to get more sleep, or to get less sleep, or to be more charitable, or to drink less coffee, or to drink more coffee, or to start lifting weights, or to take sick days instead of struggling through, or to consume more protein, or to make peace with the dead.

I could resolve to do a lot of things, but the resolution itself would have little to no impact on reality. The trouble with resolutions is that you have to put them into action, and action tends not to be the writer's prerogative. I put words on paper when I can't say them out loud, or as a means of repairing the mistakes of the past. It's reparation, but it's passive.

Perhaps it's lazy of me never to resolve to be better, or kinder, or to live differently. Or maybe it's realistic. Or maybe I'm just happy with my life the way it is.

Happy New Year,


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